I was brought up what most people call “the right way”, manners, respect your elders, hold your tongue, etc. I was a Momma’s girl from an early age, and my mom (like her mom before her) always taught me that you should never make things harder than they should be. Your day is what you make it, nobody can make you feel anything you don’t allow them to. You’re to be polite, to not offend or hurt anyone’s feelings, you’re not to “rock the boat”. “Kill with kindness.” “If you have nothing nice to say, say nothing at all.” All of these things are great lessons, it teaches you not to be a hot head, not to cause conflict, not to hurt others. It teaches you to show respect… what they DON’T mention is that sometimes by not rocking the boat and NOT speaking your mind, you don’t end up where you want to go. Think about it, if the “boat” is heading off a cliff….should you just sit there and let it? Oh no no, we wouldn’t want to rock the boat! NO! Get out of the boat! Duh! I don’t know why that was such a hard lesson for me to learn…
Do you ever feel like the universe is giving you a wake up call? Yesterday I was texting back and forth with my cousin, who I pretty much talk to every single day and she is basically my Yoda. She knows every thing, I’m sure we all have those cousins or friends, but she’s the wise and thoughtful Dorothy to my silly and La-De-Da Rose. Anytime I have a problem, I take it to her and she bestows upon me her great advise. I was venting and sulking about how certain people in my life don’t seem to really respect me and how it always hurts my feelings that I try so hard and still am not “good enough”, wah wah wah, woe is me, right? I was having an Eeyore kind of day, gross… I know. Anyway, she told me that I needed to say how I felt, that it was silly to MAKE myself take things over and over again and be miserable just for the sake of “keeping peace”. It’s not really keeping peace if YOU feel miserable and not at peace! I pouted for a few minutes more and then the little light bulb flickered…Huh, she’s right! One of my favorite quotes has always been “The only way someone can make you feel inferior is if you let them.” So WHY was I just shaking it off and letting it roll off my skin? Why do I feel the need to be the bigger person, when being the bigger person means being the person who is sad later? That’s just silly! I decided “I should really change that about myself!” last night, and then went to bed not thinking anything more of it… Dun dun dun.
Apparently the universe didn’t think I took the hint! I wake up and ta-da HMC boot camp is all about stepping out of your comfort zone and doing something FUN for you! Now… it’s funny. I will jump down your throat and rip out your spleen if you mess with my family or friends. I’m the first person to stand up for anyone else. In fact, the only time I EVER got in trouble in school was punching some boy who kept picking on one of my sweet friends for being gay. He kept calling him a “bitch” and I punched him square in the jaw and put my hand on my hip and said… “Who’s the bitch now??” I got suspended, and though my father (who always wanted boys) was kind of proud that his little girl socked some football player in the jaw…I was mortified. I was/am all about peace, love, being kind, using your words… I’d NEVER in my life ever physically hurt anyone before. Mind you, this dude was huge and I think he was more shocked than injured, but still – I was ashamed of myself. Yes, I had good intentions, but poor reaction. I lowered myself to a standard that I wasn’t proud of. I think that’s when I started to “trim” or hang back some of my sassiness…but that’s not right either! It’s good to stick up for yourself, it’s important to be heard. I think that balance is just a hard thing for me, in any capacity. I need to learn to stick up for myself and others and be vocal about how I feel if someone is hurting my feelings… but refrain from punching football players.
I took the Boot camp lesson to mean that you need to take charge of your day and how you feel about it, YOU are in CONTROL of what’s around YOU. Take a minute and repeat that. YOU ARE IN CONTROL OF WHAT’S AROUND YOU, AND HOW YOU FEEL. Now let that sink in. I’ve always felt like days are pretty much the rule of cause and effect. You don’t have anything bad happen, good day. You have someone be a meanie to you at the grocery store, the effect is that you have a lousy afternoon. No no no! I was wrong! I’m in control. Me me me! Sometimes it’s OKAY for things to be all about me, (or you, because you’re in control of you, not me – Know what I mean?) my feelings are just that – MYYYYY feelings. Mine mine mine! So today instead of wearing clothes that I know who I would be around would approve of, doing my hair a way that would appease people, bringing this or that blah de blah. I showed up as me, and you know what… if people don’t like me, that’s okay. I’m not always going to be everyone’s favorite. Not everyone will respect the choices I make, or who I am. At the end of the day the only person who’s respect I should be worried about keeping is mine and you know what? I had a great day!
So…short version of this ramble – Take control of how you feel and how your days go. You’re the driver, everyone else in your life is a passenger. While you should want to make the people you love happy, YOU can’t make yourself miserable in order to do so! Gosh it took me a long time to learn this one. Hope everyone else had a nice day too!
X’s and O’s,